after an age of admittedly shameful neglect, i've moved base to 3ofhearts.wordpress.com. :D drop by sometime, if you like. :D thanks! :D

Permalink

before the last couple of days,i never realized what a slacker i was.

now i actually HAVE to study. i never used to do that.

my blood is probably half caffeine by now. and in 48 hours, i have been awake for around 39.5. and even the smell of fast food is intolerable. and my sarcasm alarms even me.

but the scariest thing is, its not really that i HAVE to study. its that i WANT to.

yikes. anyway got to go. yknow, study.

Permalink

block d2010. best block in the cosmos! :D

(after the freshman week food relay. which we won. among others. photo credits to des.)

Permalink

superman returns was supposed to be the first movie i would ever watch by myself. everyone i was supposed to watch had already seen it or were studying or were hungover or were nowhere to be found. so last sunday i pulled myself away from supreme court reports and declarations of nullity (yeah.right.) and hauled off to sm north for the 2:10 show (at cinema 8, ampotah, kabisado ko pa). but when i got there the lines were so long and it felt so sad watching it on my own when everybody was watching with someone else, so between that and my own impatience about having to wait in line, i ended up spending the afternoon with supreme court reports and declarations of nullity (exactly where i had began).

anyway, i finally got to see superman last tuesday, it turned out that awi (my blockmate) hadn't seen it either, so all was well. it was alright, its just that superman's a quintessential superhero- he's so brave and so noble and he sweeps girls off their feet and he smiles for the cameras- and i don't like quintessential superheroes much. but it was a good story and kevin spacey and parker posey were great villains. and brandon routh made a really cute clark kent (of course i just had to say that).

now i want to watch pirates. maybe this time i will go by myself.                                 

Permalink

in the first week of law school, i got sick. it was probably the heat, and the lack of vegetables in my diet, and the confirmation that yes, i would have to study harder than all four years of college undergrad combined. daunting, since i never really studied in undergrad. much. and for the first time ever, i was officially "moved out," with no one monitoring how much i ate, what time i came home (not past 10:30 though, boarding house curfew), and without t.v., hot showers, or free computer services (no dota. no pokemon ruby gb emulators. no nothing).

in the second week, the resident bird (which resembles an iridescent vulture like chicken) on our classroom's balcony (and we have the best classroom ever) shat on me. i found it funny, and would still like to think that it brought me luck, because i need all the help i can get. recitation scares me into forgetting what words mean.

in the third week, the building's air conditioning broke down (and i had such high hopes for that). between the crazy heat and the readings i could make no sense of, i was effectively drained by wednesday. on thursday, our persons professor had walked out on us because we didn't know what a corporation sole was (and we are now hard pressed to redeem ourselves). by friday, my blockmates and i had gone drinking at sarah's. and on the barops kickoff party on saturday, we were drinking again (and i now know what metrowalk is. and how to get there).

this is a report on what i have been doing with the past month. or what i have been doing with my life, so to speak, because last month was only the beginning of something that will inevitably change me forever.

this was my choice. i refuse to think it was anything otherwise. it wasn't the original plan, but it really isn't so terrible. although i still wonder what it would have been like if i did m.a. in archaeology, i concede that i have learned lots of things that interest me, though in a completely different way. besides this, i realize that my father was right- there are lots of things you learn when you're on your own. sometimes its scary-lonely, but it is also satisfying to know that i can change my mind about things at the last minute. when i'm by myself i look around, and notice all these little details that amuse me- like how the chef school students eat 7-11 hotdogs for breakfast, or how mushrooms grow in the house down the street's yard despite the heat.

i miss baguio like anything, but i will go home to it, and the things, and the people in it. and i will love them all the more.

"fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten."- g.k. chesterton (keep your fingers crossed for me).

Permalink

ang kasalukuyan kong happy thought. 

ito ang mt. kinabalu sa kota kinabalu, malaysia. pag naalala ko na dito ko ginugol ang bakasyon, ang saya saya saya ko. kaya (medyo) nakakalimutan kong pissed off akong malupit at lumalabas na sa tenga ko lahat ng murang naimbento ng sangkamundohan, at na hindi pa ako makaenroll sa post grad dahil wala pa akong admission slip, at na aalis na ko sa'min pagkatapos ng mahabang panahon at wala nang magluluto para sa'kin pag nagkasakit ako, at (actually) wala pa akong titirhan sa maynila, kung saan ang cost of living ay mas nakakamatay pa sa init.

Permalink

hope is a dangerous thing to have. it sets the stage for disappointment. it fills the balloon you're holding on to with just enough helium to make you float, so the fall back down to hard concrete reality hurts twice as much.

but what's messed up about all this is that even more dangerous than having hope is losing it. and when it comes down to the line, we are faced with a choice- either we persist in clinging to a hope or we forsake it completely. equally painful options with no middle ground.

i think i've picked my side of the fence this time. its tragically funny how life seems to be one hopeless case after another, and how i never seem to learn. but enough of this- i shall hie myself off to kota kinabalu (knock on wood!) and grad school (knock on wood again!) with much left unsaid, even as i think of..well..everytime i look at the beach (which he probably would have enjoyed), or hear jack johnson (because he remembered), or take bus rides (harhar) or think of how the moon is so far away.

..........................................................................................................................................

i still can't open malcom hall online. just when i wish my fate would be sealed sooner. though in this case, i'm not even sure what to hope for. and uncertainty can be so wretched, believe me.

Permalink

i've been really, really lazy recently, mostly because i can get it away with it now, after the last month (or 4 years, if you will) of crazy work. i'm starting to think i watch too much tv again, and i now have empty hours to waste on easy listening for the broken hearted (harhar).

i will miss up baguio terribly, and sometimes i actually do wish i could stick around a bit longer, and i wonder why i was in such a hurry to get out. but i suppose its my turn to leave this time, after the last few years of being left behind. its only fair but i'm scared to death- up baguio is all i've ever known, and sometimes, familiarity can be comforting. but there's a big world out there to get lost in, so i guess its about time and just as well that i go find out what its got for me.

the thing of it is, there are things about college that i could have done differently, and im not saying i wouldn't if i could, but i'm (mostly) happy with where i am, and i'm happy with how i got here. and right now, thats kind of important to me.

 

And it feels like I'm seventeen again/ Feels like I'm seventeen again/ Looking from the outside in some things never change/ Hey hey I'm a million miles away/ Funny how it seems like yesterday
-17 Again, Eurythmics

Permalink

Cocoon

Jack Johnson

 

Based on your smile

I'm betting all of this might be over soon

But you're bound to win

Cause if I'm betting against you

I think I'd rather lose

 

But, this is all that I have

So please

Take what's left of this heart and use

Please use only what you really need

You know I only have so little, so please

Mend your broken heart and leave

 

I know it's not your style

And I can tell by the way that you move

It's real, real soon

But I'm on your side

And I don't want to be your regret

I'd rather be your cocoon

 

But this is all that you have

So please

Let me take what's left of your heart

And I will use

I swear I'll use only what I need

I know you only have so little, so please

Let me mend my broken heart

And you said this was all you have

And it's all I need

But blah blah blah

Because it fell apart

And I guess it's all you knew

And all I had

But now we have only confused hearts

I guess all we had is really all we need

 

So please lets take these broken hearts and use

Lets use only what we really need

You know we only have so little

So please

Take these broken hearts and leave

 

Permalink

Permalink